Whaaa? You were expecting an account of last night's book club meeting?

Hey, those meeting updates can't be rushed. All those action-packed photos to develop upload. The prose that must be composed to perfectly capture the lofty literary discussion that transpired.

Mouthwatering descriptions of the food. The wine. The sangria.

Hangover? Who said anything about a hangover?

OK, feeling a little fuzzy this Friday. So the much-anticipated meeting update will appear Monday.

In the meantime, we offer a tantalizing preview of the victuals awaiting Villettes who make it to next month's book club:

Meet Taylor Pork Roll. The pride of Trenton.



It may not look like much in it's raw, virgin state. But cut into thick slices, tossed on the grill, topped with melted cheese and served on a bun...

Delish.

Jon Bon Jovi reportedly demands it at his concerts. Frank Sinatra must have sampled it. No doubt Bruce Springsteen has consumed tons of the delicacy.

A prediction: By the end of July, the Villettes will be fans.

It's a new book.

Written by a woman.

With a sassy, if somewhat windy, title.

Question is, will the Villettes pick it as their next month's book?

Not a chance. No matter how much wine is quaffed tonight.

                                                     


This tome proves - if proof was needed - that absolutely ANYONE can get a book published. Even if they're famous only for being shot in the face by their husband's teenaged lover AND THEN TAKING THE LOSER BACK.

Yup, meet Mary Jo Buttafuoco, author.

You remember the Long Island Lolita? Well, the wife in that sordid saga has penned her memoir, lovingly entitled: Getting It Through My Thick Skull: Why I stayed, What I Learned.  And What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need To Know.

Whaddya say we wait till it turns up in Border's $5 table? We're guessing sometime in August...

    Eleven hours until the monthly pig out book discussion. 

    Having found Susie and promptly lost her, having "Return(ed) to Sullivans Island" only to read bad writing and pap there, the Kaiser will now throw herself onto the stationary bike and hope to finish her potato harvest in 274 pages, 12 miles, or less.
 
    Cliff Notes, anyone?

What is it with celebs and children's books?
 
Seems like every famous and semi-famous person in the world - from Sarah Ferguson to Dionne Warwick to Henry Winkler - has churned out a kids' book. (Click the link for a list.) 

Now retired Supreme Court Justice Cowgirl Sandra Day O'Connor (hey, that's how she describes herself) has joined the club. This is her second effort - she penned another piece of kiddie lit a few years ago.

To be fair, O'Connor DID lead an interesting life even before she was appointed to the Court - and not because she married a royal, knew the way to San Jose or played The Fonz on Happy Days. 
 
Not sure what "Finding Susie" is all about other than a Western childhood. We know one thing: it will get the Kaiser's juices going. She's probably read the galleys already.

Meanwhile, some of us are still slogging our way through "Up To Our High Heels in Potato Peels" or whatever this month's offering is called...two more days.

                                                                                                                        

Notice anything unusual about this particular copy of "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society"?

Nothing gets by you. Yep, this is a pristine, unread edition. The cover is slightly bent, to aid in balance only.

Unfortunately, this also happens to be Jersey's untouched copy. She's taken it to the beach a couple of times, but was embarrassed to be seen reading it. (This, on a stretch of sand where every other sun-baked person seemed to be reading a Nicholas Sparks novel or People.) 

She planned to tackle this cutesy piece of chick lit last weekend, during a 10-hour road trip to Greensboro, but Annandale Man ruptured three discs in his back and couldn't drive.

So it was John Grisham, redux.

Three days to go. Question is, will she read it? 





 

                                                                   



There are darned few advantages to newspaper work these days.

Job security? Gone.

Pay raises? Please.

Expense accounts and travel to exotic locations? You're kidding, right?

But one little perk remains: The book corner.

It's where the features editor stacks the new books that publishers send in, hoping to get a favorable review.

Every newspaper in the world has such a pile and the rules are universal: Free books. First come, first served.

You didn't think Jersey PAID for that "Southern Belly" restaurant guide, did you?

Every time Jersey passes the table she scans it for books by, well, women. She dreams of someday suggesting a novel that doesn't cause the rest of the Villettes to engage in a group eye roll. 

Hey, "Lives of the Monster Dogs" was ages ago. Forgive and forget guys.
                                                                            



Well, a couple of years back, Jersey found a book set in Mobile, Alabama. It was a magical story that centered around something called a "jubilee." It's a moon-or-tide related natural event that causes millions of silvery fish and crabs to beach themselves in the middle of the night.

Apparently Mobilians can't predict a jubilee, but when one happens word spreads and coastal dwellers rush out into the moonlight to watch the shimmering seafood on the sand.

                                                                 
   

(This is a jubilee photo from NOAA. Not quite as romantic as Jersey pictured it from the novel. And what's that slimy translucent thing in the front...an eel?)

Jersey distinctly remembers loaning this waterlogged novel (she left it outside on an Adirondack chair during a freak summer storm, don't judge) to another Villette. That person didn't much like it. But didn't return it either.

Suddenly, with Jersey Junior's cute Alabama boyfriend living in the guest room, Jersey has a desire to reread the novel and to share it with the kids.

She'd happily buy another copy if she could only remember the title. Alas, she can't. And a hundred different Google searches have failed to reveal it.

Very frustrating.

Soooo. If you have this book on your shelf, please toss it on Jersey's porch in the dark of night. No questions asked.

Or if you remember the title, do tell!

Did Jersey mention that there's a generous reward for the identity of this novel?

Well, there is.

    So Jersey, who is nosy beyond belief, had the nerve to ask the Kaiser what she was a reading. And Kaiser, put on the spot, instantly confessed:

    A children's book. Well, middle grade novel, to be exact.

    Jersey was, for once, quite speechless.
                                                                       

   

     Kaiser has no idea why kids' books are appealing.

     But every now and then she reaches for one to enjoy a sort of commercial break in her busy life.

    They're short, sweet, and require almost no thinking. This one was the last in a cute series by British author Hilary McKay. 

    Kaiser would love to shorten the hunt for this adorable series about the Casson family for you but is forbidden by the tyrannical Jersey from doing so....children's titles are not to be mentioned here.

    So Kaiser will not. 

    Don't wait for a picture of it either. Kaiser, remember, does not know how to post pictures on the blog so is ever at Jersey's mercy. No telling what Jersey would do. So Kaiser won't ask.

    Sigh. On to the Potato Eaters, or Peelers, or Mashers....

First of all, apologies for this truly inferior piece of book art. It came from Amazon - hey, we're Amazon Associates, they won't mind - which means it includes that dopey "Look Inside!" label.

A dedicated book blogger would take her dog-eared copy to her in-home studio and shoot an original photo in just the right light.

Dedication is overrated.

But why write about this month's book BEFORE a meeting? Shoot, before some of us - ahem - have read even 10 pages?

Just wanted to get it on the record that "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" starts out with multiple strikes against it.

First, there's the cutesy title. C'mon, admit it, this one SCREAMS "chick book."

Second, there are two authors. One is usually enough. I mean, Jane Austen didn't need  help. Neither did Dickens. (Yeah, yeah, one of these two died. Look, sometimes works were MEANT to be unfinished.)

Third, it's another gimmicky offering. It looks like the entire book is an exchange of letters.
Hey, wasn't that DONE with those silly "Griffin and Sabine" books back in the '80s?

Didn't Helen Hanff write "84 Charing Cross Road?" in 1970 in the same style?

Was the world really crying out for another correspondence novel?

Just asking.

That said, Jersey's trying to keep her mind open as she reluctantly soldiers on.

Still, don't you wonder if this novel wasn't written with the lucrative women's book club market in mind?

Eight hours out. Eight hours back.

So how was your weekend?

Yep, Jersey and her college-bound son headed to the farthest reaches of West Virginia Saturday, where her baby man-child is getting a head start on his freshman year.

Seems like it's only been a week or two since he graduated from high school. One of the perks of going to a boarding school? Traditions. Like the one where every grad gets a cigar.



To protect Jersey's kid's privacy, we'll make no mention of the name of his new school, other than to say he's now part of the Thundering Herd.

And that Jersey was feeling warm all over just thinking about Matthew McConnaughy as she drove through the mountainy terrain.

The good thing about having mature offspring is that they can share the driving.



The bad part is that no matter who's at the wheel, it's damned tough to take a decent picture through a bug-encrusted windshield.



Has Jersey's kid inherited the family's lead foot? Could be. That welcome sign blew by  pretty quick.

The best part of having a son at the "We Are ...." school is that close friends live on a nearby mountaintop. A free place to stay with a million dollar view!




They don't know it, but if they invited Jersey to move into their little guest house, she'd be there in a West Virginia minute.

This is where she'd spend every single second:




Or maybe in one of the rockers on the front porch. With this view. 



Almost heaven? Nah. This IS heaven.

On Sunday, Jersey and her kid ran back and forth to Wal-Mart buying things like pillows and fans and a beer soda fridge. They watched, bemused, as the kids who had not already spent four years away from home clung to their mommies and daddies.

Jersey's kid was all, "See ya, Shorty," when it was time to say goodbye.

Last she saw, he was crossing the street - not looking back - on his cell phone with an upperclassmen who'd gone to his school. They were about to go to the older guy's apartment to "chill."

Jersey didn't want to know...
 
Which left her with eight long hours alone in her husband's fancy-pants car.

Was it depressing?

Not at all. Look who was riding shotgun:






Yep, it's studly novelist John Grisham. (This is NOT the fancy-pants sedan. Grisham-on-the-seat has been recreated for artistic purposes in Jersey's European clown car.)
 
Back to John Grisham. He's enough to make Jersey question the Villette's women-authors-only rule.

"The Summons"? Grish at his best.

Jury's still out on "The Brethren." (Five more CDs to go. Road trip, anyone?)

    Ok, so the Captain requires the Creamy Citrus Dressing (wonder who, whom she's entertaining????) that goes on the aforementioned Very Very Green Salad that was - may we say it? - such a huge hit at the Kaiser's.

    Dear readers, here it is:

    Creamy Citrus Dressing

1 cup mayo (Yes, real mayonnaise. Get over it!)
1/2 cup orange juice (I used ready made but am sure that fresh squeezed would be exceptional!)
2 tsp honey
1/2 cup sour cream or yogurt (i used plain yogurt to keep the Villettes lean)
1 Tbsp rice vinegar (yes, bought a whole bottle just for this! But you can use any other white vinegar, too))
1 tsp dry mustard
1 clove garlic, minced
2 green onions, chopped
1/4 cup fresh parsley (this is always so puzzling to Kaiser...but measure the parsley BEFORE chopping)
salt and pepper to taste

Combine, mix well, and season to taste. Keep refrigerated until ready to use. If dressing is made more than a few hours ahead, add green onions and parsely just before serving.

Makes 2 cups (Use all of it on one Very Very Green Salad) (From "Best Summer Weekends Cookbook" by Jane Rodmell, Cottage Life Books, 2004)

Bon appetit!